I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
