you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize