you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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