im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I smell like Dick and happiness
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
