hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
