I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
