sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
