guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
