She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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