If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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