The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize