Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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