Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
