youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
