tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
