Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
