So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
