What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I am full of burrito and curiosity
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
