I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My hand turned me down
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize