Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sext me about skeletons
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
