you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
