biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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