Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
