I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
oh god the rape fog is back!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
