just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
