You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
