I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
