Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So much rum. So many feels.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
