last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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