Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
