her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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