when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
