So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
