He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize