I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
