im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
