I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
this is an emotional support booty call
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
