I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
