I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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