Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I understand Curling. That high.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
