I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
