Whod you bang
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize