My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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