How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
