'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
