i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
