In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
