I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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