I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
