I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
