Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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