I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
