I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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