I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
