the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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