I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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