Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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