this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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