remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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