You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
