Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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