this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
