We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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