Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
