I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She's the barista slut.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
