don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I pour the whiskey from now on
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
