So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
