We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
