they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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