What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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