i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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